I don't deserve him
by AnotherUncreativePenname
Summary: "Roxas?" "Yeah Axel?" "Why are you with me?" "Because I love you." That was always his answer. I usually let it slide, but not tonight. Tonight, I NEEDED to know why he was with me.


**This story is boyXboy. If you don't like it, then don't read it.**

**Rated 'M' for swearing and some violence.**

**Paring is Axel and Roxas from Kingdom Hearts.**

**I don't own any characters.**

**Have fun reading. **

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><p>I don't deserve him.<p>

Every night, I cant sleep. I lay awake and think about my life. I think about everything that's ever happened to me. And I think about Roxas. And I've always wondered: how can someone so beautiful end up with someone like me?

The way he slept always made me laugh. He would wrap the blankets around his body like a cocoon and the only thing I could see was his blonde hair poking out at the top. I couldn't figure out how he was able to breath in there. I ran my hands through my hair, then rested my arm on his hip. I felt him twitch. Then he moved the covers off of his face. His eyes fluttered opened and he smiled at me. Even at two in the morning, he was still so beautiful. I tried to smile back, but my heart just wasn't in it.

He gave me a look, silently asking 'whats wrong'. I shook my head and laid back down on the pillow. Roxas frowned and pushed the blanket off his body, so he could wrap his arms around my neck. He tensed when he felt the scars on my back. I keep forgetting that I have to wear a shirt when I go to bed.

I knew what was coming next. He gently ran his fingers along my back, tracing along the scar lines. A sad look was plastered on his face, I knew what he was thinking.

_"Axel! What did you do!"_

_"I didn't mean to dad! I-I-it just slipped from my hand!"_

_"You know what happens when you break a plate? It's means I have to go out and waste my money to buy a new one. Do you want me to keep wasting my money, Axel? Is that what you want?"_

_"N-no dad! It was an accident! It-it won't happen again, I promise!"_

_"You better hope it doesn't happen again, you clumsy little shit!"_

_"No! Dad! NOO!"_

My father was a abusive towards me. His favorite thing was whipping my back with cables until they left long, bloody lines down my back. He only did this whenever i did something really bad. Like when I broke something in the house.

I shut my eyes and let Roxas continue what he was a doing. Just like clock work, his hands trailed over my arms. Being careful not to apply too much pressure on the faded purple spots. His hands were so warm against my cold skin.

_"Axel stop watching so much TV."_

_"You watch more TV then I do!"_

_"...What did you just say?"_

_"I-I'm sorry, d-dad. I didn't mean it.."_

_"You little shit."_

_"OW! Dad! Stop! You're hurting my arm!"_

_"How dare you talk back to your father!"_

_"OWW! Stop it, dad!"_

_"You better not talk back to me again. Or I'll use the fucking bat next time."_

_"Nononono! I won't do it again! I promise, dad!"_

My father hit me whenever i talked back to him. I would use my arms to shield my face so I wouldn't get bruises there. Bruises were easier to hide when they were on your arms. I wore a lot of long sleeved shirt to school. Because I didn't want anyone to ever know about my home life. Whenever he was extremely upset with what I said, he would go out to the garage and get the wooden bat. I would try to hide from him. But eventually he would find me. Those bruises were the ones that never went away.

Roxas's hands stopped at my wrist and he held his breath. My arm tensed when his fingers ghosted over the circular burn mark, imprinted on my skin. He lifted my hand up to his mouth and gently kissed the mark.

_"Axel what is this?"_

_"Its my-my report card.."_

_"Yeah it is. And what's that right there?"_

_"Thats an F..."_

_"Thats right! A big old FUCKING F. I will not tolerate failures in my house, _

_Axel. I just won't tolerate it!"_

_"Dad, no! Dad, what are you doing?"_

_"Teaching you a lesson!"_

_"AGH! STOP! IT BURNS!"_

_"You better not fail anymore classes, Axel. You hear me?"_

_"Yes dad! Please stop! Your hurting my wrist!"_

_"Promise me, Axel. Promise me you won't fail anymore."_

_"I promise! I promise! P-please stop!"_

Getting a bad grade in my house meant that my father would take his lite cigar and hold it against my skin until i promised to do better. I never wanted to feel that burn again. So I made sure to stay after school everyday so I could finish my homework and never have to bring it home. This scar will never heal.

He ran his hands down my chest again. Taking his time. This was always the one he saved for last. I could already see tears rolling down his face. Finally he stopped. Right next to my hip was a thick, ugly scar. The last one that I ever got from my father. His hands were shaking as he softly ran his fingers along the line.

_"I got a phone call from your high school today, Axel."_

_"... About what?"_

_"Apparently, the teachers are complaining about you holding hands with **OTHER **__**GUYS** in the hallway."_

_"Is.. Is that a problem?"_

_"It wouldn't **BE** a problem, if you were holding hands with girls, you.. You sick _

_fuck!"_

_"Dad, calm down. You've been drinking again."_

_"Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to get a call from your sons school _

_and have them tell you that your son is a queer? Well? **DO YOU**?"_

_"Dad. Dad! STOP! PLEASE!"_

_"**I WILL NOT HAVE A GAY SON LIVING IN MY HOUSE!**"_

The day my father found out I was gay was the same day I got that scar. After the school called him, he went out and drank himself blind before coming back home. As if he didn't already hate me enough. Finding out I was gay was just the topping on the cake. When he saw me, that night, he went ballistic. He grabbed one of the knives from the kitchen and chased me around the house before stabbing it into my side.

That same day, during school, Roxas came up to me and asked to borrow my history book. He explained to me that he was running late that morning, so he had left his copy at home. I couldn't say no to him, because I thought he was cute. So i lent him my book.

I was lucky that day. I was lucky that Roxas forgot his book and had to borrow mine. I was lucky that he decided to return it that same night. I was lucky that my father had stumbled out before Roxas arrived. I was lucky that he didn't see Roxas and tried to hurt him. I was lucky that the front door was left open. And i was lucky that i could call out for help, just as Roxas was standing in my doorway.

He saved my life that day.

I don't deserve him.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah Axel?"

"Why are you with me?"

"Because i love you, that's why."

That was always his answer. No matter how many times I asked him. _'Because I love you'_. Usually I let it slide. But not tonight. Tonight I **needed** to know.

"You tell me that all the time. But why do you love me? Me, of all people? You're so perfect and.. And.. amazing and you deserve to be with someone so much better than me."

"Axel you're wrong! I'm the one that doesn't deserve you!"

I've never been more confused about anything in my entire life. And clearly, my face showed my confusion. Because Roxas started to chuckle a little bit. Even through his tears.

"Axel, you're the one who's so amazing. You were always so charismatic and social at school, that I had no idea of the horrible home life that you had. You never let it affect you then and you're not letting it affect you now. People who have had lives like yours end up way more messed up then you. And you're not even that messed up to being with! They usually end up becoming drug addicts, or alcoholics, or becoming just as abusive as their parents. You didn't become any of those things. You didn't let your past define you as the person you are today. You're the strongest, most amazing person i know. And that's why i don't deserve you."

Ive only cried in front of Roxas, three times in my life.

The first time was the day i woke up in the hospital after my father had stabbed me. Roxas had called an ambulance and held my hand the whole ride there. He had stayed there over night, to make sure I was ok. That morning, when he handed me my history book, we both started crying. We realized, at that moment, that if I hadn't had lent him my book, he wouldn't have returned it that night. And i probably would've been dead.

The second time i cried was when i was sitting in the courtroom, two weeks after i was stabbed. They had found my father passed out on the street about a mile from my home. After Roxas gave his story on how he arrived at my home just after my father had left, the jury went away to discuss the case. My hands were shaking so much. Roxas kept saying _'everything's gonna be fine'_. The moment he said my father was being sent to jail, I broke down. I was free. I was free from my father and his abuse. I never had to live in fear again.

The third time was seven months after i was stabbed. I was living with my friend Demyx. Roxas and I had been dating for six months. Roxas never knew the full story of my life. He never asked me. I think that's what I loved most about him. He wanted to know everything about me so badly, but he knew that I had to be comfortable enough to tell him. Eventually, I did tell him everything. How my father would get drunk and beat me senseless. How I got hit over stupid little things, like broken dishes. And how I was afraid to go home every day. I even told him about all the scars on my body. That was the first time he saw them. The first time he touched them. I confessed to him why I didn't want to say anything. It was because i had fallen in love with him and I was afraid that he would leave me.

After I unloaded everything onto him, we sat in silence for a while. I thought he was gonna get up a leave right then and there, but he didn't. Instead, he started kissing every single scar and mark on my body. Then he took my hand in his and said he loved me. And nothing will ever change that. I was so happy, i could barely contain my emotions and i cried again. He hugged me so tightly and didn't let go of me.

But now, after that speech. After that beautiful, wonderful speech, I couldn't help it. I cried for the fourth time, in front of Roxas. I buried my face into his neck and held on tightly to him.

"Shh, shh. It's ok Axel. It's ok.."

He wrapped his arms around my shaking body and started rubbing my back to try and calm me down.

After what felt like an eternity, the tears finally stopped. I just laid their and held onto Roxas. Not wanting to let go of him. Ever.

"Axel?"

"Yeah Rox?"

"Ask me again, 'Why are you with me?'"

I removed my face from his neck, so I could see his face. His eyes were all red and puffy from crying. But I've never seen anything so beautiful before in my life.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah Axel?"

"Why are you with me?"

"Because i loved you from the moment i saw you."

I smiled at him. And he smiled back. I leaned forward and kissed him so lovingly, I swear i could hear his heart sing.

I guess maybe i do deserve him.

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><p><strong>Reviews are always welcomed. :)<strong>


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